8 Signs You Were Raised by a Toxic Mother and Didn’t Know It

Can you name 8 signs that indicate you were raised by a toxic mother? If you grew up in a toxic family environment, you might not realize how abnormal it is for you.

Today, you may only be aware of how it still affects you and how toxic it is to live with your mother. You may have a sense of secrecy and fear, but why don’t you understand? You may not have been allowed to mix with other children, so you cannot compare your lives with theirs.

Research shows that children whose mothers suffered from negative personality traits were more likely to experience higher risk of self-harm, depression, and anxiety. This is also true for fathers, as they have an enormous influence over their children.

Raised by a toxic mother, here are 8 signs you were if unsure. Normal was childhood your if know you do how?

1. Your mother was cold and unemotional towards you

You don’t comprehend the reason why individuals admire you.

Harmful mothers withhold love and affection. Consequently, you do not feel you are worthy of receiving love.

It may be challenging for you to establish meaningful connections as an adult. The way your primary caregiver treats you in your early childhood shapes every other relationship you have. Your mother is supposed to provide affection and love.

Your sense of value is diminished when the person of utmost significance in your life fails to reciprocate affection. Could it be that your mother did not express it or, at the very least, did not love you? It may be challenging for you to have faith and be vulnerable when the individual expected to love you fails to do so, causing you to erect emotional walls for self-preservation.

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2. Your mother neglected you

You are susceptible to anxiety and do not manage stress well.

Evidence suggests that children who experience neglect from their mothers at an early age are more likely to suffer from stress and anxiety. One sign of being raised by a toxic mother is the way you handle stress.

This theory suggests that our strong vagal nerve, which links our mothers to reassurance, enables us to remain calm and self-soothe. I have previously written about the Polyvagal theory.

We are repeatedly reassured when we anticipate help is coming. Anticipation and mere thought calm us down and help with anticipation. If you were left to cry as a baby, you learned that no help was coming. Your ability to calm yourself was damaged due to a weak vagal nerve.

3. Your mother was emotionally unavailable

You are not fond of discussing your feelings.

Growing up in a harmful atmosphere compelled you to conceal your feelings. After all, there was no possibility for you to seek guidance from your mother.

Did she perhaps belittle or invalidate your feelings when you were a child? Maybe she shut you down as soon as the topic of your sensitivity became trivialized and your problems were brushed off.

Children born to mothers with toxic traits struggle to express their emotions. They are afraid of being mocked, humiliated, or even abandoned.

Do you perhaps try to capture her attention in order to appear younger? You may notice her shock at the things you say or do. Having an emotionally unavailable mother can impact you in various ways.

4. Your mother was overly critical

You can either be a perfectionist or a procrastinator.

Children with demanding parents can develop in two ways; they either strive for flawlessness or delay their tasks.

When we are young, we desire approval and encouragement from our parents. Children who are constantly criticized strive for perfection in order to obtain that approval.

If something starts, why will it be criticized only? This sort of thinking leads to procrastination. After all, we never do anything good enough. If criticism is mocking or degrading, we may feel tempted to withdraw. On the other hand,

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5. Your mother was a narcissist

You steer clear of close relationships.

Narcissists often exploit individuals to achieve their desires, only to discard them afterward. Subsequently, narcissists resort to giving the silent treatment, displaying their dramatic and boisterous nature. They frequently attribute their predicament to others and have a tendency to withhold affection.

Attention-seeking narcissists. This would be confusing, as you are supposed to be nurtured and treated like a child. However, your mother has the expectation for you to be at the center of attention.

Individuals cannot be relied upon due to their upbringing under their maternal figure. They encounter challenges in both initiating and upholding personal connections. Research indicates that offspring of self-absorbed individuals endure distressing recollections and distressing dreams. Self-absorbed individuals undergo intense anger when their desires are not fulfilled.

6. Your mother was controlling

You are spontaneous and struggle to establish relationships.

8 signs you were raised by a toxic mother

If you struggle with making decisions, it could be a sign that you were raised by a toxic mother who examined the effects of parental control on young children led by Dr. Stafford Mai.

“Examples of psychological control include not allowing children to make their own decisions, invading their privacy, and fostering dependence.” – Dr. Mai Stafford

Parents are supposed to teach their children about coping in every aspect of life, if their mother controls every aspect of your life, you may find it hard to decide for yourself.

Making a decision, such as ending a relationship or deciding what to have for lunch, may seem trivial, but it can take a long time to come to a conclusion.

“Parents also give us a stable base from which to explore the world, while warmth and responsiveness has been shown to promote social and emotional development. By contrast, psychological control can limit a child’s independence and leave them less able to regulate their own behaviour.” – Dr. Mai Stafford

If you had a strict upbringing, you may go against everything your mother stood for. Some children rebel against their mothers and choose to go in a different direction.


7. Your mother was manipulative

You perceive individuals as casualties.

Living with a manipulative mother gives you an opportunity to learn that you can manipulate and trick people to get what you want, using deception, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, exaggeration, and other similar tactics.

It is their own responsibility if they are foolish enough to be deceived by your dishonesty. In your perspective, they are individuals to be manipulated as you desire. They are not sentient beings with emotions, affected by your behavior. Additionally, this distorts your perception of the people in your vicinity.

8. Your mother was physically abusive

You can exhibit aggression and have a lack of empathy.

Research demonstrates that children who grow up in a cold and harsh environment have a higher likelihood of displaying aggression and callous-unemotional (CU) characteristics.

Indifferent and insensitive, we prefer to use the phrase, children are not categorized as ‘psychopaths’. However, the importance of this is substantial, although it may sound somewhat lackluster.

Previously, scientists thought that psychopathy was hereditary, but research indicates that parenting also influences a child’s psychological health.

“This provides strong evidence that parenting is also important in the development of callous-unemotional traits.” – Luke Hyde – co-author

It is not to say that every abused child will grow up to be a psychopath, of course. There are other variables such as peer support and mentor figures, as well as the role of the father.

They adapt to the situation according to their behavior. They quickly respond to a perceived threat. Children who have been abused are also sensitive to changes in the atmosphere.

Final thoughts

They are the first people we come into contact with and their attitude informs us about the world. It is not surprising that our mothers hold such influence over our mental well-being. Obviously, there are more signs. Just above, there are 8 signs that you were raised by a toxic mother.

You and I, similar to others, have a tendency to hold high regard for our parents, but in reality, we are just ordinary people. It is important to remember that the toxic relationship you had with your mother was not your fault.

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