Content warning: this article addresses rape and sexual trauma.
Instantly, I was blocked nonetheless. However, I threw a sweaty-brow-in emoji laugh to take the edge off. I’m not sure who I am as someone with that idea, but I know how triggering that statement could be for me, so I would appreciate a calmer response. I’m trying to figure out how he could make such an error and how I can work through it, remembering that he made a typo saying, “I want to rape you with my cock.”
Denial and ensuring safety in regards to fetishes and rough sexual activities have unfortunately been associated with the act of rape. Apparently, I have been personally advised by a friend who informed me that this language has become commonplace. Eventually, I realized that if I continued to express myself in this manner, it could potentially upset some individuals. Consequently, I made the decision to block those who may be disturbed by my words. Additionally, I acknowledged that my constant response to these individuals may also cause distress. Furthermore, I recognized that flirting with the boundaries of consent and using phrases such as “I want to rape your mouth” is completely unacceptable.
It’s a good start to be a wallflower in films like Perks of Being a Wallflower and Brokeback Mountain, Queen of the Desert, Priscilla, Annabel, 13 Reasons Why, Mysterious Skin, where it’s far from being a cry. I’m even afraid to argue that films like Call Me by Your Name can be criticized for depicting statutory assault and rape in the context of sexual engagement. In mainstream content, consensual sex between LGBTQI people is rarely depicted, which I suppose is very reasonable.
The process that revealed us as viewers, occurs when actors in pornography are discovered without consent. In the world of pornography, I first understood sex and learned behavior as a model for sex, apart from heterosexual behavior. During sexual education in adolescence, there was no representation of sexual behavior other than straight sex.
What is the distinction between the sensations of groaning in pain and groaning in pleasure? How can we understand the connection between the fears of abuse and the eroticism of the body? At times, if you thoroughly clean up afterwards and the performer assures you, the epilogue is a fun reminder that people enjoyed themselves. We all enjoy witnessing the sight of someone screaming and squirming.
I believe that as a community, we may have been manipulated into being aroused by the prospect of being taken to the point where our real concern is for the mental and physical safety of all parties involved. I do not believe that men want to rape me. They say they like me, but I do not believe that they want to rape me.
We have never been given vulnerability in our language because we are afraid of embarrassment or rejection, and we don’t tell each other what feels good during sex. When sex is depicted on platforms that explicitly focus on heterosexual sex, our experiences of sex are silenced in a certain way. When we masturbate to scenes of sex, compassion, checking, and consent are not involved. We are taught a proactive sense of sexual safety, not a defensive one. Consent has been withheld from our community, especially on a large scale.
When it happened to me for the second time, I was afraid to say “no” because I was convinced and made him mad.
When it comes to sex and intimacy, I genuinely believe that it is important to have a mutual understanding and respect for each other’s desires and boundaries. So, if there is something you genuinely want to ask or discuss about what you really want, I don’t want you to feel angry or embarrassed. I don’t need to block you or make you feel more broken. There has been a lack of communication and understanding in our response, and I don’t want you to think that I want to rape you.
I don’t know how to navigate this phenomenon and this space in the lesbian, bi, transgender, pan, intersex, or kink communities. We should not encourage or dismiss elements of rape and sexual assault in the gay community. They have become deeply ingrained, and we are gradually realizing how harmful aspects of human behavior and instruments of our subjugation they are.
It is important for us to ensure the safety of everyone until we are all safe. It is crucial for us to reclaim the right to have sensational and secure sexual experiences, freeing ourselves from societal constraints. Our sexuality, as individuals who identify with it, is the crucial aspect in combating the persecution we face.